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West Kittsondale Helix Drain

[Aug.03] - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Members: Frozen, Undergoth, Phoenix, and Indiana Jones

       There are two giant drainage systems that drain the University Ave./Snelling Ave. area in St. Paul: the West Kittsondale Helix Drain, and its twin, the East Kittsondale.  Each system spans miles; eventually reaching the Mississippi.

      After much research and picture comparison I was able to find the riverside entrance to the West system.  With me I brought the Undergoth, and two rookies: Phoenix and Indiana Jones.

      Once we had safely navigated the cliff down to the river, we soon found the giant misty opening in the cliff face.  In fact, there was so much mist in the air that my 4D Maglite could barely shine 30 feet ahead.  And most of that 30 feet just looked white from the mist.

(Whoa, what's he doing?!)

      We waited near the entrance for some time at the suggestion of Undergoth to see if any of us die of methane or something.  After a few minutes we all still felt fine so we continued on into the misty darkness.  After encountering some snot dripping from the ceiling we noticed a passage leading off to the right but opted not to take it because we weren't sure a helix was there.  Oh, I should explain:  the tunnels get the name "helix" because of several long, spiraling stairways that lead 100 feet up from the deep shaft into the shallow tunnels.  Not only does the helix provide an easy means of reaching the shallow tunnels from the deep (and vice versa), it keeps a 100 foot waterfall from wearing a large hole in the floor (because water drains down in a nice little stream next to the stairs).

(snot dripping from the ceiling,)

(this gives an idea of how deep we were: our
flashlight beams couldn't reach the top of this shaft)

(stairs at the base of one of the helixes)

(more of those same smelly stairs)

      The stairs in the two pictures above were covered in slimy, greenish, sewer water that smelled terrible and contained turd-like conglomerations.  We decided to skip this helix for sake of our noses and for Indiana Jones -- he was wearing an already soaked pair of old sneakers and didn't fancy the idea of soaking them in actual sewage.

(a large mineral deposit at the base of a vertical shaft)

(closer view of the shaft's mineral deposit)

(ah, we've reached the end of the deep shaft,
and the final helix stairway)

(Indiana Jones climbing the helix)

      At the top of the stairs we were faced with a choice: to the left the stairs climbed slightly higher and then appeared to level off and to the right was a very steep chute section that would be difficult to climb, but possible with a rope that someone had graciously tied there and left.  We decided to climb the rope and explore the other section later.

(Undergoth climbing the slippery chute)

(looking for a manhole to pop)

(5Hr00ms!)

(Phoenix climbing back down the chute so we
can check out the other direction)

      The other direction led to a network of crouch tunnels.  We proceeded through the crouch tunnels, singing "I Feel Good" and Skeelo's "I wish I was a little bit smaller."  Seeking a fun way out of the system we tried lifting every manhole we came to.  Unfortunately they were all either too heavy or stuck down.  Then we heard some voices.  Some yelling actually.  Was it coming from in the tunnel?  No, definitely  several people yelling outside.  Waiting and listening we heard the people go "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" and so we responded with a good loud "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" of our own.  This went on for some time.  It took a little bit of talking to convince the people above that we were actually in the tunnels below their feet.  After banging on the manhole with a crowbar, telling some jokes through the drain, and singing some more "I Feel Good," a group of slightly inebriated musicians helped us lift the cover and get out of the tunnels.  Apparently they originally thought that we were trying to sneak into their place in the building to steal their equipment.  After chatting a bit they told us we were near University Ave. quite a few miles from where we started.  Then, on the way back to the car, we got lost for 3 hours and walked about 10 miles before we finally found our way.

      Our new friends dubbed us the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.....